The handsome hunk from Hatch.com April 3, 2008

Fat Chick: I promised to share some vital statistics about my new boyfriend today. He’s arriving for a visit in a few days, so you won’t be able to see him until he gets here. But, for now, here’s some information for you and Henrietta so you can get just excited about meeting him as I am!

Name: Gregory Pecked

Occupation: actor, most important role to date was a non-crowing part in the movie Chicken Run. His were the feet sticking out of the pot pie in the factory scene.

Home: A studio coop in Hollywood, of course

Born: Doesn’t like to talk about his childhood. He was an illegitimate rooster born on the famous “Chicken Ranch” in Texas. He narrowly escaped being morning breakfast for a bunch of Aggie football players! His mother was a common laying hen, but, his father must have been some sort of high society ornamental bird, which explains Greg’s somewhat exotic coloring. (You’ll see what I mean when he shows up.)

Drives: A Cadillac “Coop” de ville and a Honda Goldwing motorcycle (hates flying)

Favorite actors, actresses and singers: Russell Crowe, Sheryl Crow, Florence Hen-derson, Henny Youngman, Don Hen-ley, Michael Chik-lis, Gregory Peck (the human), Foghorn Leghorn, Nicole Egg-ert, Samantha Egg-ar, Woody Woodpecker

Favorite movies/TV shows: To Kill a Mockingbird, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Chicken Run, Bird on a Wire, The Hot Chick, Chicken Little, The Birdcage, The Egg & I

Favorite Restaurant: Hooters (This is a bit of a sore subject with Fat Chick because they serve chicken wings. Gregory thinks they’re actually owl wings because the restaurant is called Hooters. He’s a bit naive about some things…)

Favorite color: Speckled

Favorite holiday: Halloween. He’s really into it. He saw me online in my “Bat Chick” costume and it was love at first sight!

Fears: Flying, frying, baking, boiling, molting, feather dusters, egg timers and Henrietta (he’s a free-spirited sort of rooster and since Henrietta is a prissy chicken he’s afraid she’ll take an immediate dislike to him)

Favorite quote: “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

Favorite song: Free Bird (It’s my favorite song, too!)

Goal in life: To win an Oscar for a starring role in a poultry themed motion picture.

Looking for love April 2, 2008

Henrietta: “Fat Chick, you’ve been on that computer non-stop for weeks. What in the world are you up to?”

Fat Chick: “I don’t want to tell you. I doubt that you’d approve.”

Henrietta: “Oh my, you’re not looking at one of THOSE sites are you?”

Fat Chick: “Of course not, you ninny! But, I am looking for love online.”

Henrietta: “Oh my goodness, are you in a chat room for chicks?”

Fat Chick: “No. I’m on a site called hatch.com. I’ve been matched up with my perfect man. He’s quite a rooster!”

Henrietta: “Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. This can’t come to any good end. Those things just seem so sleazy somehow.”

Fat Chick: “Well, we’ve been talking for some time now and I think he’s amazing. We’re thinking about meeting in person.”

Henrietta: “Oh no. You mean he’s coming here? What in the world will the woman at the desk think about that? Have you asked her if it’s alright?”

Fat Chick: “Good grief no. Better to beg for forgiveness later than to ask permission and risk getting a no answer. I think she calls that “the Bobby rule” for some reason or other.”

Henrietta: “What do you know about this rooster? How can you be sure it’s okay?”

Fat Chick: “I’ll share more about him tomorrow. I don’t want to give you all the juicy details at once. Tomorrow, I’ll tell you his name.”

Happy April Fool’s Day from the woman at the desk April 1, 2008

Henrietta: Help!!!!!!! Help me!

Fat Chick: Good grief Henrietta, what are you doing? You’ve got a brown paper bag over your head!

Henrietta: Oh Fat Chick, it was awful! I woke up this morning and had this bag over my head and there was a note, but, it’s dark in here and I can’t read it. What does it say?

Fat Chick: (Chuckling) Well, it says Happy April Fool’s Day. Have a bag of takeout chicken on me! Signed, the woman at the desk.

Henrietta: Oh my goodness, that’s just horrible! How could she do that? Why, I’m so upset my feathers are coming out. I think I’m MOLTING!

Fat Chick: Get a grip Henrietta! It’s just a little April Fool’s prank. You should have more of a sense of humor. EVERYONE pulls April Fool’s Day pranks. No need to get your knickers in a twist!

Henrietta: Well, help me get this bag off my head then. Ahhhh, that’s better. It’s easy to feel calm when the joke’s on someone else. Wait, Fat Chick, what’s that on your backside?

Fat Chick: SQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!