The View From My Window

The world as seen from my window and through my eyes

Fat Chick Doesn’t Care For Slimfast May 2, 2007

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick",Uncategorized — auntlelo @ 7:41 am

By now, you’ve probably met my alter ego, Fat Chick. She sits on the table in my office and offers me sage advice about life, politics and most importantly, diet. Her favorite food is chocolate, although jellybeans come in a close second. This morning, Fat Chick was introduced to Slim Fast.

The reaction was, as I expected, not positive. She pretty much turned up her beak at the insulting beverage. Here is our conversation:

Me: “Fat Chick, you should try some Slim Fast. We both need to shed a few pounds before these weddings.”

FC: “Thanks, but, I think I’m pretty cute the way I am.”

Me: “But Fat Chick, you’ll be healthier!”

FC: “I feel fine, thanks for asking. Although, you could dust me once in awhile.”

Me: “Just try it. If I do it, you can do it.”

FC: “Okay, just one sip.”


FC: “Oh good grief, you can’t really expect me to drink this swill?”

Me: “It’s only twice a day, Chick, I think we can manage for awhile.”

FC: “Where are my jellybeans…get me my jellybeans…the dish is empty…WHERE’S MY DISH????!!!!!!”

Me: “Calm down, Chick, you’re having a panic attack!”

FC: “You do realize that ceramic chickens don’t shrink, don’t you?”

Me: “Yes, Fat Chick, I do realize that.”

FC: “You know you’re ruffling my feathers, right?”

Me: “Now you’re just being silly, Chick. Ceramic birds don’t have feathers.”

FC: “I’m going to go on strike. I refuse to drink this garbage. I need some chocolate.”

Me: “Funny you should mention that. I got you chocolate Slimfast for that specific reason. You’re addicted to chocolate.”

FC: “Don’t talk to me, I’m mad at you. You’re mistreating me. I’m going to report you to somewhere. What’s that organization that protects Fat Ceramic Chicks and Alter Egos?”

Me: “Really, Chick, this is all getting a little silly. There’s no such organization. You’re just flipping out over nothing.”

FC: “If people who visit your office start hearing voices, it’s me. I’m going to start begging people to slip me some candy. YOU CAN’T STOP ME!”

Me: “Okay fine. Just be that way. I’ll drink the Slim Fast all by myself. You’re supposed to be supportive of me. Some alter ego YOU are!”

Well, that’s pretty much been my morning so far. It’s hard to start your day tired, hungry, cranky and losing a fight with a ceramic bird, even if she IS your alter ego. Sigh…hope the Slim Fast is worth it! If I start noticing odd pieces of candy laying on her table, I’ll know she’s been successful!


One Response to “Fat Chick Doesn’t Care For Slimfast”

  1. LVJ Says:

    I notice it’s the Slim-Fast “Optima” stuff, too, which is especially gross. I drank that for a while, but I wasn’t bold enough to try it twice a day. Eventually I started measuring out healthy meals that were about the same number of calories and not so chalky.

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