Me: “Fat Chick, what do you think you’re doing? Those are my chocolates!”
FC: “Tough luck, chickie, I got to them first. I get first pick as compensatory damage payment.”
Me: “What are you talking about? What compensatory damages?”
FC: “I have suffered inhumane treatment at your hands. I have been deprived of goods essential to my health and wellbeing. There’s been no chocolate in here for at least two weeks! I was going to sue!”
Me: “Oh, good grief! Get a grip on yourself. You’d think you were a human being or something, the way you’re going on about this thing.”
FC: “Oh, now I can add discrimination to my list of grievances!”
Me: “Okay, fine. I’ll share my chocolate with you. Just leave the dark chocolate ones for me, would you?”
FC: “Too late. I ate those first.”
Me: “You’ve got to be kidding me! My son and his fiance sent those to me! You can’t eat all my Mother’s Day chocolate, it just isn’t right. I was willing to share, but, you’ve already eaten half of them and they were all my favorites. I need to start locking them up!”
FC: “I’d find them. It wouldn’t do any good.”
Me: “I think it’s time you left my desk and went back to the table. Stealing a person’s Mother’s Day chocolates is pretty low, even for a ceramic chicken.”
FC: “That’s fine with me. Those roses on the table are looking pretty tasty…”
Seriously mom, you have a problem…
Of course I do! I have a chicken who is stealing my chocolates!