The View From My Window

The world as seen from my window and through my eyes

On the shelf October 4, 2011

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 8:31 am

Fat Chick: “It’s been two years since I’ve gotten near her computer. Two years!”

Henrietta: “Maybe you shouldn’t have let your beak overload your better judgement. You see it’s gotten us all placed firmly on the shelf. We’re ruined! We’ll never get our audience back! It’s so very shameful…”

Fat Chick: “As if that wasn’t insulting enough, she put us on the top shelf with an ANGEL! Makes me think we’ve been sent to goose heaven or something. How COULD she do it?”

Gregory Pecked: “I told you to watch yourself around the lady at the desk. She may seem nice, but, she’s got an unholy temper now and then. And can she bear a grudge! After all, it’s been two years!”

Fat Chick: “I know, I know. Maybe I’ll tell her we’ll be good. REALLY good. I won’t eat her jelly beans, or her chocolate, or hijack her laptop and make snide comments about people, places and things. Maybe, just maybe, she’ll relent.”

Henrietta: “If she takes us down from the shelf, we’ll have to have a good dusting. She hasn’t done THAT in two years either, I can tell you.”

Gregory Pecked: “Well, what are you waiting for? Start flapping your beak and beg her for mercy!”

Fat Chick: “Oh yoohoo! Hey! You down there at the computer! Lady at the desk! Please, please can we come down now? Haven’t we been banished long enough?”

Fat Chick: “My table! Oh how I’ve missed you! What’s this? Could it possible be…chocolate?”

Henrietta: “Oh no, don’t do it. You know how she gets when you pilfer her stash of chocolate! You’ll get us banished again!”

Fat Chick: “She’ll never know. Just a taste…”

Henrietta: “Here we go again. Some things NEVER change.”

 

Fat Chick reports on a visitor to the office May 1, 2009

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick",Uncategorized — auntlelo @ 4:10 pm

Fat Chick: “Guess who showed up in the office today? The Lady at the Desk made an appearance and caught all of her work friends up on all sorts of things! I listened in so I could tell everyone all about it!”

Hen on the Mend: “Excuse me Fat Chick. I hate to interrupt when you’re so excited, but, I believe that it is my job as a professional to report on any medically related news. After all, I was engaged specifically for that purpose, if you recall.”

Fat Chick: “Alright, alright, don’t get your feathers in a twist! I’ll report on the interesting things and you can report on how the scar’s healing.”

Hen on the Mend: “Well, I suppose that rather puts me in my place now doesn’t it? Well, let’s see if I can make the health report a little more interesting. I’ll list the things I noticed when she came in.”

  • I noted that while getting around very well, the Lady at the Desk isn’t able to get across the street quickly enough to avoid being hit by a car. Or a bicycle. In fact, most other pedestrians. Glad she decided not to risk it when the cement truck was coming down the street!
  • It was good that she was excited about walking up the hill between McReynolds Hall and Jesse. However, I heard that nice man who’s doing her work for her say that they had to walk really slow and stop a couple of times on the way up. She must not have been practicing her walking uphill lately!
  • She reported that she isn’t taking drugs anymore. I wish she wouldn’t put it that way. Sounds suspicious. She should say she is no longer having to take her prescription medications to make her feel comfortable. That’s really good to hear, especially since she was driving! I noted that when she parked she pulled way too far forward in her parking space. Wonder if her eyes are still dilated?
  • She also reports she’s continuing to lose weight and is very happy about that. However, she did have her usual work treat from Chipotle today, so I’ll have to stay vigilant when she returns to make sure that doesn’t become a habit again!

Fat Chick: “Okay, my turn!”

  • This woman has been closed in for far too long. All she could talk about was what movies she’s watched and, oh my gosh, if she referenced something from the Biography Channel one more time I thought I would have to lay an egg!
  • She was only here for about 5 minutes and already seemed to have broken her computer. That nice blonde fellow down the hall had to come and fix it. Good thing he was around. Wonder if he’s missed having to do that lately?
  • Let’s see, she was terribly excited to see Jason, Josh, Karen, Lisa, Nancy, Jamie, Jeremiah and Paul. She was really sorry to have missed Ryan, Genevieve and Dr. Smith. Isn’t Dr. Smith that man that’s supposed to be making the children behave while she’s gone?
  • She smiled a lot while she was here. She was either really happy or she’d been drinking before she got here.
  • She got all excited thinking several of the folks had dressed up in her honor. However, she soon realized that one had a meeting in Jesse Hall and that another said it was Friday and she hadn’t done her laundry.
  • She wondered who is living in their office and hanging their laundry in the ladies room? This is a new addition. She wanted to know if she saw anything she liked if she could wear it next?
  • She kept mentioning someone named Ana who was wearing a particularly cute shirt today and that she’s been missing the funny emails from Chris. She mentioned something about sick pigs and I personally couldn’t figure out why she would think that was funny, but, the Lady at the Desk does seem to have a very odd sense of humor.
  • She was thankful she remembered how to sign her name when that nice lady named Val asked for her signature. She tends to forget the most basic things these days. Like, for instance, that she had made an appointment to get her haircut this afternoon. I think she thought she’d just be at the office for a couple of hours, but, that woman just stayed and stayed…barely made it on time!

Hen on the Mend: “All in all, she seems to be doing pretty well. Wonder when she’ll be back in?”

Fat Chick: “She says soon, she hopes. I’m personally hoping it will be awhile. I’m just getting used to roosting in the big blue chair!”

 

Hen on the Mend March 19, 2009

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick",Uncategorized — auntlelo @ 12:22 pm

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Fat Chick: “What happened to the lady at the desk? And who’s the new chick?”

Hen: “I’m new. I’m Hen on the Mend. The lady at the desk has an owie and has to go to that people hospital next week to be repaired. She’s going to be away for awhile and left me in charge of things.”

Fat Chick: “IN CHARGE? I thought I was in charge!”

Hen: “When she needs someone to be assertive, Chick, you get to be in charge. When she needs a diplomat, Henrietta is in charge. When she wants to show off, Gregory Pecked is in charge and when she wants to make the world go away she pretends she’s a toad and Pigeon is in charge. But right now, she doesn’t feel very well and needs someone to be a nurse and that’s why someone nice brought me to her. I’m supposed to help her and let everyone know how she’s doing while she’s gone.”

Fat Chick: “Is she leaving her laptop? Can we play while she’s gone?”

Hen: “You’ll have to use the computer at her desk. She needs her laptop so she can send messages to us from home. She wants to hear from everyone though. She’s easily bored and hates not being here with all her people friends. And her chickens, too, of course!”

Fat Chick: “Okay. Well, welcome to the zoo and to the family. I guess we can always use someone to help make us feel better. Wow, did I just say something nice? I must be sick! Help! Hen on the Mend, make me normal again!”

Hen: “It’s just a little anxiety, Chick, you’ll be fine in a day or two. Things will be back to normal in no time!”

 

My Funny Little Valentine starring Gregory Pecked February 13, 2009

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 8:59 am

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Gregory Pecked: “Fat Chick, I have a singing Valentine for you!”

Fat Chick: “Bring it on, rooster boy. But if it starts losing its feathers, I’m outta here.”

Gregory Pecked: “Not THAT kind of singing Valentine, silly bird. It’s not one of the Chickendales! I am your singing Valentine!”

Fat Chick: “But Greg, honey, you don’t sing. You don’t even cackle. What’re you going to do, crow me a little tune?”

Gregory Pecked: “Well, I may not be the best crooner in the chicken yard, but, I’m an excellent poet. Would you like to hear?”

Fat Chick: “Sure! Sounds like a safe enough bet.”

Gregory Pecked: “Roses are red, birdseed is yellow, you are my chick and I am your fellow…”

Fat Chick: “Uh…well…hmmmm…is that it? That’s my Valentine?”

Gregory Pecked: “Well, yes my little chickadee, don’t you like it?”

Fat Chick: “Well, I just thought maybe there might be something a little more…substantial coming along. You know like flowers or chocolates or a fancy card or something.”

Gregory Pecked: “But my little egg-drop, I worked on this all week. I have another poem, maybe you’ll like it better! How do I love thee, let me count the ways. I love you for every feather in your head, every chirp upon your lips…”

Fat Chick: “Chickens don’t have lips, birdbrain! Good grief, all I wanted was a little of the traditional chicken worship that’s supposed to happen on Valentine’s Day. Don’t you know me at all? I require chocolate on EVERY holiday. Lots of it. That’s why they call me FAT CHICK! Men!”

Gregory Pecked: “Ha, HAAAAAAAA, ha ha ha. I had you going there didn’t I? Got real flap out of you! Of COURSE I know that! I am, after all, a very well trained bird.”

Fat Chick: “You mean you weren’t serious? There IS more?”

Gregory Pecked: “Yes my little feather pillow. Chocolate and a fancy card, all for you.”

Fat Chick: “Ahhhh, that’s so sweet. And what a surprise! And the best part of it is that on Valentine’s Day no one expects you to share your chocolates!”

Gregory Pecked: “No my sweet. That’s why we call you Fat Chick!”

Fat Chick: “Why, yes it is! Happy Valentine’s Day, Greg. You’re the best!”

 

Oh my gosh, she really DID do it! August 15, 2008

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 10:40 am

Henrietta: “Oh dear, oh dear!”

Fat Chick: “Get a grip, Henrietta, it’s just a hat.”

Henrietta: “Oh, but, it’s a dreadful hat. It looks…DEAD!”

Fat Chick: “You didn’t expect her to wear a live chicken on her head, did you?”

Henrietta: “I don’t think she should be wearing ANY chickens on her head. It’s just disrespectful, that’s what it is. What in the world would her Mama say?”

Fat Chick: “From what I understand, her Mama thought it was a hoot. In fact, her Mama’s the one who passed along the genetics that made her prone to wearing a chicken on her head. You won’t get any sympathy there, Hen.”

“Henrietta: “Well, I’m drawing the line here. It’s, it’s…TOUCHING ME!”

Fat Chick: “And you’re going to do what? File a poultry harassment suit?”

Photo courtesy of Tina Hay

Photo courtesy of Tina Hay

 

Seen in Kansas City May 27, 2008

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 6:23 pm

Fat Chick: “Where on earth did SHE come from?”

Me: “My son Bobby saw her in Kansas City and thought you might be related.”

Fat Chick: “Why on earth would he think that? She’s fat and yellow and, and, and…Oh. She does sort of look like me doesn’t she?”

Me: “Yes, except you can actually see her face. She’s looking up. You’re always looking down Fat Chick. Why is that?”

Fat Chick: “Well, I’m usually reading, or eating, or reading, or eating, or reading…well, you get the picture.”

Me: “Yes, I’m getting the picture. I’m sure that’s why your name is Fat Chick, right?”

Fat Chick: “At least I don’t have my beak stuck up in the air. It’s not like she’s got that much to be proud of. After all, she’s just a yellow ceramic chicken. There’s nothing at all special about that!”

Me: “I can’t believe you just said that. You’re such a stupid bird. No wonder if all you do is read and eat.”

Fat Chick: “I wouldn’t point fingers if I were you. After all, I’m YOUR alter ego!”

 

Introducing Gregory Pecked April 16, 2008

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick",Uncategorized — auntlelo @ 7:09 am

It was a match made in heaven–cyber-heaven, that is. The handsome hunk from Hatch.com arrived yesterday amid a great deal of excitement and flapping of wings.

Fat Chick was rendered nearly speechless, which is highly unusual for those of you familiar with Fat Chick. She seemed unusually docile yesterday, nearly swooning over every syllable that passed through the beak of her new beau, Gregory Pecked.

As you can see, the new rooster is indeed of the ornamental poultry variety. He makes quite an entrance and his size alone makes him a commanding presence in the room. He’s a lovely shade of turquoise with brown speckles and an extremely attractive and well coiffured comb. He’s much taller and more rotund than Fat Chick, which suits her just fine. They’re already getting well acquainted and having lovely conversations (which we’ll leave private for a day or two).

The only drawback seems to be that Henrietta can’t contain her disapproving clucks over the new romance. She finds it very upsetting that her protege, Fat Chick, has acquired a new beau under very unusual circumstances. She’s not at all sure she approves of him and the coming days and weeks will be interesting as Gregory Pecked settles into the office.

I wonder when he’ll have his first conversation with the Woman at the Desk? After all, she did pay the bill so that these two lovebirds could meet beak-to-beak.

If you want more details about Gregory Pecked, read the previous post titled “The handsome hunk from hatch.com.”

 

The handsome hunk from Hatch.com April 3, 2008

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 7:42 am

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Fat Chick: I promised to share some vital statistics about my new boyfriend today. He’s arriving for a visit in a few days, so you won’t be able to see him until he gets here. But, for now, here’s some information for you and Henrietta so you can get just excited about meeting him as I am!

Name: Gregory Pecked

Occupation: actor, most important role to date was a non-crowing part in the movie Chicken Run. His were the feet sticking out of the pot pie in the factory scene.

Home: A studio coop in Hollywood, of course

Born: Doesn’t like to talk about his childhood. He was an illegitimate rooster born on the famous “Chicken Ranch” in Texas. He narrowly escaped being morning breakfast for a bunch of Aggie football players! His mother was a common laying hen, but, his father must have been some sort of high society ornamental bird, which explains Greg’s somewhat exotic coloring. (You’ll see what I mean when he shows up.)

Drives: A Cadillac “Coop” de ville and a Honda Goldwing motorcycle (hates flying)

Favorite actors, actresses and singers: Russell Crowe, Sheryl Crow, Florence Hen-derson, Henny Youngman, Don Hen-ley, Michael Chik-lis, Gregory Peck (the human), Foghorn Leghorn, Nicole Egg-ert, Samantha Egg-ar, Woody Woodpecker

Favorite movies/TV shows: To Kill a Mockingbird, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Chicken Run, Bird on a Wire, The Hot Chick, Chicken Little, The Birdcage, The Egg & I

Favorite Restaurant: Hooters (This is a bit of a sore subject with Fat Chick because they serve chicken wings. Gregory thinks they’re actually owl wings because the restaurant is called Hooters. He’s a bit naive about some things…)

Favorite color: Speckled

Favorite holiday: Halloween. He’s really into it. He saw me online in my “Bat Chick” costume and it was love at first sight!

Fears: Flying, frying, baking, boiling, molting, feather dusters, egg timers and Henrietta (he’s a free-spirited sort of rooster and since Henrietta is a prissy chicken he’s afraid she’ll take an immediate dislike to him)

Favorite quote: “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

Favorite song: Free Bird (It’s my favorite song, too!)

Goal in life: To win an Oscar for a starring role in a poultry themed motion picture.

 

Looking for love April 2, 2008

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 9:06 am

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Henrietta: “Fat Chick, you’ve been on that computer non-stop for weeks. What in the world are you up to?”

Fat Chick: “I don’t want to tell you. I doubt that you’d approve.”

Henrietta: “Oh my, you’re not looking at one of THOSE sites are you?”

Fat Chick: “Of course not, you ninny! But, I am looking for love online.”

Henrietta: “Oh my goodness, are you in a chat room for chicks?”

Fat Chick: “No. I’m on a site called hatch.com. I’ve been matched up with my perfect man. He’s quite a rooster!”

Henrietta: “Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. This can’t come to any good end. Those things just seem so sleazy somehow.”

Fat Chick: “Well, we’ve been talking for some time now and I think he’s amazing. We’re thinking about meeting in person.”

Henrietta: “Oh no. You mean he’s coming here? What in the world will the woman at the desk think about that? Have you asked her if it’s alright?”

Fat Chick: “Good grief no. Better to beg for forgiveness later than to ask permission and risk getting a no answer. I think she calls that “the Bobby rule” for some reason or other.”

Henrietta: “What do you know about this rooster? How can you be sure it’s okay?”

Fat Chick: “I’ll share more about him tomorrow. I don’t want to give you all the juicy details at once. Tomorrow, I’ll tell you his name.”

 

Happy April Fool’s Day from the woman at the desk April 1, 2008

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 7:24 am

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Henrietta: Help!!!!!!! Help me!

Fat Chick: Good grief Henrietta, what are you doing? You’ve got a brown paper bag over your head!

Henrietta: Oh Fat Chick, it was awful! I woke up this morning and had this bag over my head and there was a note, but, it’s dark in here and I can’t read it. What does it say?

Fat Chick: (Chuckling) Well, it says Happy April Fool’s Day. Have a bag of takeout chicken on me! Signed, the woman at the desk.

Henrietta: Oh my goodness, that’s just horrible! How could she do that? Why, I’m so upset my feathers are coming out. I think I’m MOLTING!

Fat Chick: Get a grip Henrietta! It’s just a little April Fool’s prank. You should have more of a sense of humor. EVERYONE pulls April Fool’s Day pranks. No need to get your knickers in a twist!

Henrietta: Well, help me get this bag off my head then. Ahhhh, that’s better. It’s easy to feel calm when the joke’s on someone else. Wait, Fat Chick, what’s that on your backside?

Fat Chick: SQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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