The View From My Window

The world as seen from my window and through my eyes

Chicken Poetry March 31, 2008

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 8:45 am

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Henrietta: Hello world! That woman at the desk hasn’t allowed me to talk for weeks and weeks and today I finally get another chance to take over her blog and tell you about all the things that have been happening here. I may even allow the Fat Chicken to speak as well!

Fat Chick: Gee thanks. How come you get to talk first on the blog now? I’ve always been the first speaker and in charge of the blog!

Henrietta: Well, you see dear that’s because when we were on the table you were the first to arrive there and had seniority. Since we’ve been moved to our new location on the filing cabinet I was first to arrive and, therefore, I am now in charge. Understand?

Fat Chick: Sounds like a beak full of hooey to me.

Henrietta: Since I’m in charge I thought my blog posts would introduce the world to a little culture. Today we’re going to hear about chicken in poetry. Poultry have appeared in fine literature for centuries, don’t you know?

Five eggs and five eggs,
(Hold up two hands)
That makes ten;
Sitting on top is the Mother Hen.
(Fold one hand over the other)
Crackle, crackle, crackle;
(Clap three times)
What do I see?
Ten fluffy chickens
(Hold up 10 fingers)
As yellow as can be.

Fat Chick: You’re kidding me, right? What kind of nonsense is this? Nursery school poems on my blog! And, in case you didn’t notice, we don’t have fingers Henrietta. How are we supposed to perform your stupid little poem?

Henrietta: Really Fat Chick, I’m trying to introduce a bit of culture into the blog by showing the importance of poultry in fine literature. It’s very important to be a well educated chicken you know.

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Fat Chick: Good grief! This is not fine literature Henrietta, they’re nursery rhymes. The only mention of poultry in fine literature is usually when someone is eating it. Stupid bird.

Henrietta: Well, I think it’s important when I have control of the blog to highlight our appearance in poem and song. We are a proud group, we fowl, and I want the world to appreciate us more and eat us less. You would do well to support us in this effort Fat Chick.

Fat Chick: Ya, well, okay. So let me see, I know a poem about chickens too!

Henrietta: Really? What is it?

Fat Chick:

Said the first little chicken,
With a strange little squirm,
“I wish I could find
A fat little worm.”

Said the next little chicken,
With an odd little shrug:
“I wish I could find
A fat little bug.”

Said a third little chicken,
With a small sigh of grief,
“I wish I could find
A green little leaf!”

Said the fourth little chicken,
With a faint little moan,
“I wish I could find
A wee gravel stone.”

“Now, see here!” said the mother,
From the green garden patch,
“If you want any breakfast,
Just come here and scratch!”

Henrietta: Why, that’s wonderful Fat Chick! I didn’t know you knew any poetry. But, it’s not surprising that yours focuses on a chicken and its food.

Fat Chick: I guess you think all of us chicks are fat and uneducated. My Mama Chick taught me that one years ago when I was just a little hatchling!

Henrietta: Next time we’ll think of songs that have chicken themes. Did your Mama Chick teach you any of those?

Fat Chick: Sure! I think my favorite is Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd! 🙂

 

Mr. February January 23, 2008

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 12:01 pm

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Me: “Girls, what in the world are you doing?”

FC: “We’re checking out this awesome Christmas present that nice man down the hall gave us.”

Henrietta: “Isn’t he dreamy?”

Me: “Isn’t who dreamy?”

Henrietta: “Mr. February.”

Me: “Oh good grief! He gave you a rooster pinup calendar!”

FC: “Well, there had to be something more exciting than you to look at in this office all day. Wow, February’s so great it’s making me look forward to …”

Henrietta: “March, and April, and May, and…”

Me: “Enough already! You’re not going to start cooing and drooling are you? I don’t think I could stand it.”

FC: “Chickens don’t coo, they cackle. And, we NEVER drool.”

Me: “Would you like me to hang that up over your table girls?”

Henrietta: “I don’t know—I kind of like seeing him up really close.”

Me: “Oh good grief!”

 

Holly, jolly chicks December 11, 2007

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 9:34 am

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Fat Chick: “Do you realize it is December 11th? You haven’t even decorated your office for Christmas yet! What’s the matter with you?”

Henrietta: “Yes, dear, you do seem to be a bit late getting on with your Christmas duties. Why, there’s not a sign of yuletide spirit to be found in your office.”

Me: “Sorry, girls. I have the best of intentions, but, as usual other things seem to have gotten in the way. You know, little things like football stuff, ice storms, office projects. Time does get away from me these days.”

Fat Chick: “Well, get a move on, will ya? It’s like a dungeon in here. I could hear them all decorating down the hall last week and we didn’t get to put up a single light!”

Henrietta: “Maybe you could take a few minutes this morning to decorate before you start your day?”

Me: “Okay, but, I’m in a bit of a rush. I don’t have time to go out and get a tree. How about we just make do with the plant on the table?”

Fat Chick: “Well, if that’s the best you can do, go ahead.”

Decorating commences in a rather haphazard fashion.

Henrietta: “Oh dear, oh dear. Chick, this is awful! Do you think she intended it to look this way?”

Fat Chick: “And what way would that be? Like the ghost of Christmas present just threw up on the table? I don’t think so.”

Henrietta: “Whatever shall we do? My holly’s all askew and that bow you’re wearing makes your butt look very large.”

Fat Chick: “Ya don’t say? This isn’t exactly what I had in mind. I thought we were going to get to decorate a tree or something!”

Me: “Complain, complain, complain. Isn’t it enough for you that we took turkey completely off the Christmas menu? We’re not having chicken or quail or pheasant or any other flying companions either. We’re having prime rib on Christmas Eve and something else on Christmas Day. Not sure what, but, something not poultry. Can’t you be happy about anything? I’m kinda busy, you know?”

Henrietta: “It’s okay, we understand. We’ll just make this work for now. Maybe we can do better next year.”

Fat Chick: “This never happens when that Niki person is here. She always makes sure things look presentable at the holidays. If she weren’t at home taking care of the new baby chick, she’d fix us right up!”

Me: “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Chick. That’s her plant you’re babysitting. If it weren’t for Niki and her plant, you’d be sitting next to a pile of pine cones this year!”

Henrietta: “Maybe we should just put ourselves in a better mood by singing a few Christmas carols! What should we sing first?”

Fat Chick: “How about Deck the Halls and make it neater, fa la la la la la la la la…”

 

Hens and chicks November 8, 2007

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick",Uncategorized — auntlelo @ 9:11 am

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Fat Chick: “I hear someone hatched an egg this week.”

Henrietta: “Oooooo, I just love it when someone hatches an egg! What kind of chickie was it and what color were the feathers?”

FC: “It was a little chickie named Maddie and her head feathers were brown. I couldn’t see the rest of her, but, she looked mostly pink to me.”

Henrietta: “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pink and brown chick before. What variety was it?”

FC: “Human, you ninny! That lady that takes us around the office while the boss is gone, you know, letting us drink Starbuck’s coffee and eat Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups? She had a little human chickie this week.”

Henrietta: “Ah, I just love chickies. They always feel so soft.”

FC: “Ya, SHE got to go see her yesterday and came in this morning talking all about it. Got to hold her for a long time yesterday. She’s all happy about it.”

Henrietta: “I heard her say she took her a stuffed horse. A HORSE! Can you imagine? What’s wrong with a chicken or a goose or a duck, I ask you?”

FC: “Maybe we should send her a little stuffed bird on our own, what do you think?”

Henrietta: “I wish you wouldn’t talk about things like little stuffed birds this close to Thanksgiving. Gives me the willies.”

FC: “Well, anyway, I think it’s great. Love chickies and can’t wait to see her. Maybe we can get our picture taken with her for the blog!”

 

Space Ghost interviews the winged superheroes October 30, 2007

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 4:12 pm

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Space Ghost: “Welcome to Space Ghost Coast-to-Coast. I’m Space Ghost. Today we’re interviewing…hey, Zorak, who are we interviewing?”

Zorak: “Bat Chick and Robin’s Egg. Fake superheroes.”

Space Ghost: “Yes, yes, Fat Bat and Chicken Egg. Welcome to the show!”

Henrietta: “That’s Bat Chick and Robin’s Egg, you ninny.”

Space Ghost: “So, are the costumes just for Halloween or are you intending to go out and make the world a safer place for winged beings of your species?”

Bat Chick: “We haven’t decided yet. I have to get a tool belt first. I can’t do much without a tool belt.”

Space Ghost: “Don’t you have any super powers like me? I have protective force fields and a heat ray and invisibility and flight and…”

Henrietta: “Well, we have wings.”

Space Ghost: “So, you can fly?”

Henrietta: “Well, not exactly.”

Space Ghost: “What do you mean, not exactly?”

Fat Chick: “What the dumb cluck is trying to tell you is that we’re ceramic chickens who sit in an office on a table all day and we have painted on wings. That’s why I need a flipping tool belt, Ghostie, so I can go out and kick some villain butts!”

Space Ghost: “I see. So, you really ARE fake superheroes. Well, on to more important topics. Let’s talk about MY super powers. I have a heat ray, see?”
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Bat Chick: “Good grief, don’t point that thing at me! I’ll be chicken fried talk show guest if you aren’t careful!”

Henrietta: “Yes, dear, it really isn’t nice to point. ”

Space Ghost: “I’m a powerful superhero with his own talk show. I can use my heat ray any time I want.”

Bat Chick: “If you really want to impress us, why don’t you use that invisibility thing and just disappear?”

Space Ghost: “How dare you! (frantically trying to find the right buttons on his power bracelet) I’ll have you know I’m in charge here. No one tells Space Ghost what to do, no one!”

Zorak: “Caller on line 1 Space Ghost.”

Space Ghost: “I can’t take a call now! I’m in the middle of…”

Zorak: “It’s your mother.”

Space Ghost: “Hi Mommy!”

Mom: “Tad, I think you’re being a little rude to your guests.”

Bat Chick: “Tad! Is your name Tad?”

Space Ghost: “Mommy, I thought we agreed you weren’t going to call me when I’m on-air.”

Mom: “Tad Ghostal, don’t you use that tone of voice with me! I’ll put you inside a force-field for a week!”

Space Ghost: “Ah, Mommy…”

Bat Chick: “I think your Mom is cool! How come we never see her on your show?”

Henrietta: “Yes, I’ll bet she’s a fine superhero. What sort of costume does she get to wear?”

Mom: “I really wanted to let you chicks know that I think you’re wonderful, even if you can’t find an XXL tool belt for Bat Chick. You should try to rid the world, or the office, you’re in from any villains you can. I’d like to be the first member of your fan club. LOVE your blog!”

Bat Chick: “COOL! We have a fan club! I think you should take over Space Ghost’s talk show. You rock!”

Mom: “Tad, I’ll be right over. Move out of the chair.”

Space Ghost: “But wait, this show is supposed to be about me. What’s happening? I’m losing control! Next thing you know it’ll be just like watching The View!”

Mom: “Just go out trick or treating and have a good time. Remember not to use your heat ray on the other children. Some of their costumes are still flammable.”

Bat Chick: “Arrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhh…what have you done to Robin’s Egg?”

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM BAT CHICK(Fat Chick), ROBIN’S EGG(Henrietta), SPACE GHOST(Tad Ghostal) AND HIS MOMMY.

 

The Caped Crusaders are dressed for Halloween October 29, 2007

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 8:08 am

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Introducing Bat Chick and Robin’s Egg

Robin: “Holy hen feathers, Bat Chick, look at us!”

Chick: “This is a totally cool cape. I think it makes my butt look smaller, don’t you?”

Robin: “To tell you the truth, Bat Chick, I’m not sure it’s possible for that thing to look smaller!”

Chick: “Hey, how come you got the cool tool belt? Bat Chick should have a tool belt.”

Robin: “There wasn’t enough material to make one that big. Sorry, Fat Chick—oops, I mean BAT Chick.”

Chick: “Well, that just totally reeks. How am I supposed to chase villains like the Penguin if I don’t have a tool belt.”

Robin: “I don’t think she means for us to chase anything. We’re just supposed to sit on her table and look cool.”

Chick: “You’re kidding, right? What is this, a Halloween spook show?”

Robin: “I think it’s because she doesn’t ever wear costumes herself. She says going without makeup is enough to scare anybody. Judging from this morning, she pegged that one right!”

Chick: “Well then, let’s just have a little fun as the caped crusaders and forget about how silly we look.You go first!”

A typical Bat Chick and Robin’s Egg comic conversation ensued:

Robin: “Boy! That was our closest call ever! I have to admit that I was pretty scared!”
Chick: “I wasn’t scared in the least.”
Robin: “Not at all?”
Chick: “Haven’t you noticed how we always escape the vicious ensnarements of our enemies?”
Robin: “Yeah, because we’re smarter than they are!”
Chick: “I like to think it’s because our hearts are pure.”

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

 

Say it isn’t so! October 23, 2007

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 7:29 am

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Henrietta: “Say it isn’t so! I just can’t believe it!”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

FC: “We looked at your calendar and it says you’re going to Jason’s birthday lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings. Are you crazy? Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what sort of place that is?”

Me: “Uh, ya, I’m perfectly aware. They have some really good wings there.”

Henrietta: “They’re CHICKEN WINGS!!!!! Have you no sense of decency and compassion?”

FC: “Henrietta and I think she’s gone off the deep end. We’ve started a campaign to protest this whole chicken wing fad that’s running amuck in our nation. Poultry unite! It’s called “Just Say No.”

Me: ” Girls, I know you’re in a flap, but, I assure you, none of us are eating chickens you personally knew. You shouldn’t get your feathers ruffled over this. And, by the way, you can’t use “Just Say No” as your campaign slogan. Someone else is already using it.”

Henrietta: “I can’t believe you’re so unfeeling about this. How can you, in good conscience, sit there and eat CHICKEN WINGS for lunch and not have the least little feeling of guilt? It’s scandalous!”

Me: “Oh, I’ll have guilt alright. Did you know that 6 buffalo chicken wings have nearly 450 calories? That’s just amazing.”

FC: “She needs to be in rehab, Hen. She’s completely past hope. She’s really gonna do it. We have to step this up a notch. I say we don’t speak to anyone else in the office that eats chicken wings. We’ll show ’em!”

Henrietta: “I don’t think that will work, dear.”

FC: “Why not?”

Henrietta: “Because we can’t really talk to anyone else. They can’t hear us. We’re just voices inside HER head. Remember?”

FC: “Say it isn’t so. It’s almost as bad as ending up in a plate of chicken wings. Chickens should have some rights.”

Me: “You do. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can be used against you in…”

FC: “Very funny. You just wait. I’ll find a way to get even.”

Me: “If it makes you feel any better. Thanksgiving is coming up.”

FC: “Why would that make me feel better?”

Me: “Because people will be eating turkey instead of chicken. Doesn’t that make you happy?” 🙂

 

Feather dusting October 22, 2007

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 7:46 am

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Me: “Uh oh. What are you girls up to now?”

Henrietta: “Oh, just a little bit of dusting is all.”

FC: “Just a little bit of dusting? You’ve got to be kidding! Her computer keyboard is a disaster area. It’s gross. Disgusting! Why, only last week she dropped lettuce and cheese in it from that awful buffalo chicken wrap she decided to eat for lunch. A little bit of dusting, really!”

Me: “Oh, I take it you girls have decided it’s time to clean up again?”

Henrietta: “Well, your office really is a little cluttered, dear. Your desk could use a good straightening and a little dusting never hurts now and then. You might even consider throwing a few things away. Fat Chick and I would love to help you!”

Me: “I can take a hint. Okay, I’ll do some straightening today. And, just so you know, I have a bit of a problem with Fat Chick helping. Last time, she threw away some magazines I hadn’t even gotten to read yet!”

FC: “I was making a point. You had a magazine called Real Simple on your desk and it was all about organizing yourself. For heavens sake, I know a lost cause when I see one! Why torture yourself? You’re about as organized as…”

Henrietta: “Stop! There’s no point in insulting her! If you do, we’ll never get dusted. Just plant a hint, offer to help and…”

FC: “Hope for the best. Ya, I know.”

Me: “Okay, okay. Enough abuse already for a Monday morning! I’ll make it a point today to finish dusting my keyboard and my chickens. Fair enough?”

FC: “Ya, as long as you use a dust cloth and this canned air. I have a personal problem with feather dusters.”

 

Hunt & Peck with Fat Chick and Henrietta October 18, 2007

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 7:43 am

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Me: “What in the world are you two doing now?”

FC: “I’m teaching Henrietta to surf.”

Henrietta: “I don’t quite understand what surfing has to do with this little box thing with a screen. Don’t you have to have water to surf?”

FC: “You’re a real idiot, Hen, you know it? Surf as in surf the Web. Get with it old girl!”

Me: “Why do you want to surf the Web, Chick?”

FC: ” I want to keep track of what you’re doing. Sometimes you write things about us in your blog that we’re not sure we like. We want to comment on a few of those entries.”

Me: “I don’t think ceramic chickens are allowed to comment on blogs, girls. You’ll probably just have to continue to tell me what you think the old fashioned way.”

FC: “Nothin doin. I think the rest of the world should hear what we have to say about things. After all, we are the most interesting part of your blog. ”

Me: “Oh really? You mean the other things I write about like stories from my life aren’t interesting to people?”

Hen: “Oh, dear, dear, dear. We didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. It’s just that Chick has noticed that your blog stats are ever so much higher on days when you talk to us. We think we can help you be a more successful blogger!”

Me: “Oh, really? How are you planning to do that?”

FC: “We thought we’d add a few blog entries and see what kind of traffic we get. After all, we have our own fan club, you know.”

Me: “And how are you planning to write these blog entries? Chickens can’t type!”

FC: “Sure we can! It’s called hunt and peck. Men have been typing this way for years!”

Me: “Good grief! Hey, isn’t that MY laptop?”

Henrietta: “See, Chick, I told you she’d notice!”

 

Oh, no, not that again… September 20, 2007

Filed under: The Adventures of "Fat Chick" — auntlelo @ 7:19 am

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Fat Chick: “Oh no, you’re not starting this diet thing again? Really, how many times do we have to go through this?”

Me: “As many times as it takes. No matter how bad my day, no matter how stressful life gets, this time I have to succeed.”

Fat Chick: “Riiiiggggghhhhhtttttt. I’ll believe that when I see it. You, the world’s worst stress eater not eating when you’re stressed.  Not gonna happen.”

Me: “Yes, it will. I’m  motivated. I’m tired of being overweight and not feeling good. I can do this!”

Fat Chick: “So, what’s so different about this time?”

Me: “I’ve been motivated by watching Celebrity Fit Club and The Biggest Loser. If those people who weigh 300-400 pounds can actually run, I guess I ought to be able to walk enough to make a difference. I’m surprised some of them don’t have a heart attack!”

Fat Chick: “The visual I have of you running is pretty entertaining. So, how long have you been on a diet THIS time?”

Me: “Just since Monday. But, I’ve already lost 3.5 pounds. Aren’t you impressed?”

Fat Chick: “That depends on whether you lost 3.5 pounds because you deliberately put on your heavy shoes to log your beginning weight and then took them off to check your progress at the end of the first week. You know, like you usually do.”

Me: “Gee, I didn’t know anybody else knew about that! Nope, this time it’s all legit. 3.5 pounds of me is gone. It sure would be nice to log those double digit losses like the folks on the Biggest Loser, but, I’m good with losing anything. One guy even lost 31 pounds in one week!”

Fat Chick: “Well, good luck with the diet, although I don’t think you’ll make it. You never do. What are you doing differently?”

Me: “Well, I’m doing something that’s very important to my future lifestyle. But, you won’t like it.”

Fat Chick: “What’s that? Giving up chocolate?”

Me: “Nope. Eating chicken about 4-5 times a week! Notice that this issue has a lovely chicken potpie on the cover.” 🙂

Fat Chick: “CANNIBAL!”